Full Name: Constance (Connie) Steinberg Maiden Name: O'Leary From (Hometown): Manayonk, located in Philadelphia Gender: Female
Religion: Roman Catholic Age: 83 years young Ethnicity: Caucasian Traits (Appearance): Small beady, but smiling brown eyes encompassed by wrinkles. Her cheeks hung on either side of her tiny but memorable smile. Her wrinkles danced around her features, decorating her face in triumph rather than age. Her hair was void of color and seemed to spiral down the sides of her face until the ends brushed her shoulder. Traits (Personality): Connie possesses all the traits that one would wish to have. Not only is she generous, understanding, kind and nurturing, but she also has a funny, happy-go-lucky personality. Her universal positive attitude draws people of all kinds to her, causing her to have a friend everywhere she goes. Reason for coming on the plane: She is on her way to Brazil with her sister, Rose (86), so they can leave this world having seen all there is to see. Brief History (Criminal record, past): Connie grew up in a twin house located in Manayunk, Philadelphia. She lived with her mother, father, and two older sisters. Connie had a very happy and carefree childhood, spending most of her time playing with her sisters and neighborhood friends. One summer afternoon, when Connie was seventeen, Connie's mother ran out of bread. This particular afternoon her sisters were not home. Connie's mother asked her to go to the corner store to buy a loaf of bread, and so she did. She couldn't remember what kind of bread her mother had asked her to get, so she stood staring at the shelf stocked with different kinds of bread trying to recover the memory. A young man who worked there saw that she looked lost, and asked her if she needed help. She turned tow ard his voice and saw the most handsome and kind face she had ever seen. The rest was history. Constance O'Leary and Eugene Steinberg were married in Saint Mary's Catholic Church the following April.
As a young couple, Connie and Eugene enjoyed even the small things, like cooking dinner together or going out dancing. Anyone in their presence, automatically had a smile upon their face. The love Constance and Eugene had for each other only grew. About four years after they were married, Connie and Eugene decided that they wanted to try to start a family together. Connie became pregnant with her first child after only a couple weeks of trying, but the pregnancy didn't last. The failed pregnancy was hard on both of them, but they wanted to keep trying, and so they did. Unfortunately Connie and Eugene had no luck getting pregnant the second time, or the third, or the fourth... The multiple failed pregnancies devastated the couple, and Connie fell into a deep depression. Eugene comforted her and helped her through it. He drowned out her dark thoughts with his constant positivity about the now, and their future together. Eventually Connie and Eugene were happy again and moved forward.
Instead of raising there own children, Connie and Eugene decided to spend their lives raising the spirits of less fortunate children. The couple volunteered at many orphanages and hospitals. At the orphanages they spent their time holding, feeding and playing with motherless infants and at hospitals they would take turns reading stories to sick children. To this day Connie looks back on these
memories as the best moments of her life.
Connie and Eugene became very involved in the church, and expanded their volunteer work into helping all less fortunate people. After Connie and Eugene turned 60, they did most of their volunteer work with a church group that they belonged to. In their church group they worked on raising money for missionary trips to help impoverished countries around the world. Meanwhile, Eugene began having frequent and intense headaches. Connie, worried about his health, told him to see a doctor, but he felt that they would eventually subside. The headaches only got worse, and Eugene started having strange changes in his vision. This alarmed both of them and they decided that Eugene should see a doctor.
Eugene was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after, and unfortunately it went untreated for so long, there was nothing the doctors could do. Eugene was later put in hospice, and only six months later Eugene was died.
Connie felt lost, exhausted and guilty that Eugene didn't see a doctor sooner. There was nothing she could do, because either way he was dead and her life was over. Close friends and family were supportive of Connie, someone came to visit her and keep her company everyday for a month following Eugene's death. But Connie's sister, Rose, truly understood her feelings, her husband had died only five years before. Rose continued her daily visits to Connie. Rose was determined to lift her spirits, and together the two of them made each other feel whole again.
They were their blunt, but kind, happy-go-lucky selves again. The two quirky characters can be found anywhere there's lots of people that they can make laugh. Because the two truly realize how short life is, they decided they wanted to leave this world having seen all there is to see. They plan lots of trips together, the most recent trip the booked was one to Brazil.
DAY ONE
"Heavens to Betsy...where am I?" I murmured to myself. This ain't the first time I took a nap and woke up somewhere else, damn meds. I know i didnt come here myself, I'd never go to the beach in panty-hose. Where in the hell is Rose? The woman follows me into the bathroom, you would think she would come to the beach with me. Well, i guess Rose doesn't like the beach much...She always tells me 'I'll scare all the fellas away', but i always tell her 'I don' like none of the fellas that come to the beach.' Silly old hag, she is. I looked around. Who ever brought me here didn't bring no block! I've gotta get into some shade or I'll shrivel up like one of those prunes Rose eats all the time.
Day One Wrap Up
I got up from the ground and spotted a tall leafy banana tree, I proceeded to walk toward it. Boy, oh boy, it is hot out here. I got under that tree before you could say Jack Robinson.... Well, I tried... These old rusty legs don't do much anymore, I'll tell ya. I walked under the shade of the tall handsome tree, and felt instant relief.I sat down next to the ol' tree, "Thank goodness you're here. If you weren't, I'd look like one of them prunes, right about now." I chuckled to myself. I heard something moving in the shrubbery behind the banana tree. The sound is getting closer... "Rose?" "baaahh" I heard her call back. "Oh Heavens to Betsy, Rose! Why do you always go tryin' to give me a damn heart attack?" I yelled at her. the sound of rustling leaves got closer, and out of the bushes appears the head of a goat. "Well, you're not Rose" I said with a smile. "baahhhh" the goat said back to me. The goat walked out of the shrubs and brought its face right on up to mine. The goat got nose to snout with me, It damn near made me go cross eyed. I pulled my head back "well, hello handsome young man," i said with a smile. I began to stroke its head, it looked at me blankly. "Well, little fella, you got a name?" "Baaaah" the goat now looked at me with only one eye, the other was pointed to the side. "Isn't that a shame, you're an ugly little fella... But thats alright, I don't mind ugly fellas. We all get ugly eventually, I'll tell ya." I looked down at him, hoping he didn't take offense to my calling him ugly...but he just stood blankly. He doesn't seem to mind. I leaned my hand on his back, helping myself off of the ground. I started to walk away, but noticed my new friend was not following. I looked back, "Come on, Mr. Goat. We're gonna try to find Rose." And so we did. Mr. Goat and I wondered through the forest awhile, "Rose?" I called out. "Connie!" I heard her distant voice say in a welcoming tone. "Connie!" she said again, sounding closer than before. "Connie!" I turned to my left and there she was. After I turned to look, I wish I hadn't. Rose was almost completely naked except for a necklace and cloth-like bottoms. She looked like she'd come right out of the National Geographic Magazine, I'll tell ya. "Jesus Christmas, Rose! Have you no shame? Jumping' Jehosephat! Put on some damn clothes, you're gonna scare the damn goat away!" "You're always tellin' me what I'm to do! I am trying to live life!" she responded "Just put on some damn clothes, you indecent old hag! By golly, you're eighty-six, most people your age are dead already!" "Pshhhhh. Well my clothes are gone" she crossed her arms. "What do you mean, 'your clothes are gone'?" They caught on fire when the plane crashed, and Chahata gave me some of his." I looked at her face, puzzled. The more I thought of what she said, the more sense it made. The last memory I have before I woke up on the beach, was sitting next to rose on a plane to brazil... "Where are we?" I asked "I'm not quite sure, I've been trying to ask Chahata, but I don't understand much of what he says." she replied "Who, in gods name, is Chahata?" I asked feeling flustered "Oh, he's just a native fella. He was kind enough to let me borrow his garb. He's also pretty easy on the eyes, if I may say so myself." "Oh, Rosey, you're a riot!" I laughed "I am quite hungry though, did Bagdad make supper?" I asked "His name is Chahata, Connie! Yes, he seemed to be making some kind a soup." She told me. Thank the lord above! I'm hungrier than a Lion! I wonder if Mr. Goat is hungry too."Mr. Goat?" I looked down beside me, and he was gone. Oh well, he's probably got a goat family to get back to. Rose walked towards me and took my hand, "Come on, I'll show you where the native fellas live." As she lead me through the forest, the sun began to go down. It seemed to change from sunset to dark with in minutes. I saw a orange blob of light ahead. "Thats them!" Rose shouted. We got to a clearing near a small body of water, they seemed to have a fire going smack in the center. There were four men and two women surrounding the fire. One of the native men stood up, "Ea-tuh" he said, while pointing to a giant pot. Rose turned to me, "Oh Connie, He's invited us to supper! Ain't that exciting?" she smiled. I chuckled "We thought goin' to Brazil would be an adventure! Who would've ever thought we'd be eatin' supper with natives?" We sat down next to each other around the fire. A woman gave us pottery filled to the brim with soup. I put the pottery to my lips and poured the thick, meaty soup into my mouth. It was outstandingly delicious! "Goodness Gracious! What is in this soup?" I asked the man to my right. "Goat." he replied. All the color rushed out of my face. Heavens to Betsy! I've just swallowed Mr. Goat!
Day Two
(continued from wrap up)
I stopped eating and fell asleep right there, on the dusty ground.
I woke up to the sound of birds a chirpin' and tropical wind a blowin' through the trees. I opened my eyes to a pure blue sky. My, oh my what a sight. "Conn-iee!" Rose's voice broke as her face popped up over mine. I jumped, knockin' my noggin into hers. "Heavens to Betsy, Rose! Why do ya' always go tryin' to give me a damn heart attack!" I yelled at her. "Oh, Connie. You're always gettin' startled, it ain't my fault. Blame that god of yours, he made you old and bitter old hag." She laughed. "You haven't aged too well yourself there, Yoda." I cackled back. I looked around, all that was left of the fire that was in front of me, was blackened wood. I looked around the rest of the clearing and realized we were alone.
"Where's Pinata?" I asked. "Connie! His name is Chahata!"
"Right, right. Well where is he?"
"Don't know. I woke up an' they were all gone. Them natives are somthin', Ill tell ya."
Boy, oh boy. Do I feel scummy. I looked at the running stream to my right. Mr. Stream, you lucky fella, I chuckled to myself. I took off my ol' dress and plopped my wrinkled ol' bum in the water.
Rose looked at me disgusted, "Connie, Jesus Christ! You say that I'm indecent!"
I laughed at her smugly, "Well, at least I'm not nasty, wrinkled ol' mess."
I let the current of the stream wash away all the dirt and grime. I laid down, face up, in the water, looking at the clear blue sky. I closed my eyes and hummed quietly to myself. A couple minutes later, I began to feel eyes staring through me. I opened my eyes and there, standing over me, was Chahata and the other natives. They all looked at me with a disapproving look on their faces. I looked passed them searching for rose, but she was nowhere to be found. I looked back up at the natives and smiled, hoping they would smile back. "You wash mortal filth in tears of god! You die!" One of them said. My heart sank as two native men grabbed my arms and began to drag me into the Forrest. Oh goodness, where is Rosey? A tear streamed down my face as the men carried me away to an unknown death.
Day Three
I would like to continue with my story, but I feel that it wouldn't make much sense because the class did not get to hear an important part of day two. If I continued on to the next day, I am afraid you would be confused. Please continue reading day Two. This is the part you missed:
Boy, oh boy. Do I feel scummy. I looked at the running stream to my right. Mr. Stream, you lucky fella, I chuckled to myself. I took off my ol' dress and plopped my wrinkled ol' bum in the water.
Rose looked at me disgusted, "Connie, Jesus Christ! You say that I'm indecent!"
I laughed at her smugly, "Well, at least I'm not a nasty, wrinkled ol' mess." I laid down, face up, in the water, looking at the clear blue sky. I let the current of the stream wash away all the dirt and grime. I closed my eyes and hummed quietly to myself. A couple minutes later, I began to feel eyes staring through me. I opened my eyes and there, standing over me, was Chahata and the other natives. They all looked at me with a disapproving look on their faces. I looked passed them searching for rose, but she was nowhere to be found. I looked back up at the natives and smiled, hoping they would smile back. "You wash mortal filth in tears of god! You die!" One of them said. My heart sank as two native men grabbed my arms and began to drag me into the Forrest. Oh goodness, where is Rosey? A tear streamed down my face as the men carried me away to an unknown death.
Day Four
Shortly after being carried away into the forest, I was knocked out by the fists of a native man.
My eyes opened to darkness. I tried closing them, thinking that maybe when they opened again there would be light. I opened my eyes once more, but all I could see a single shade of the blackest black. "Rose?" I softly called her name. "Rose?" I heard my own voice call back, it seemed like it came from a mile away. There was no response. I felt around the cold ground, searching for something to help myself up. I felt what seemed to be a large rock and leaned on it as I struggled to stand. My arm gave out, forcing my back on to the ground. "Connie" I heard a close voice whisper in my ear. I reached toward the voice but felt nothing. "Connie," I heard the voice call from a short distance away. I crawled toward the voice while a felt around for a body. "Connie!" I turned toward the voice and saw the most handsome and kind face she had ever seen, lit up in the darkness. It was Eugene. I started to cry, "Eugene! You're dead! How are you here? Oh heavens, I'm dead! Am I dead? Oh goodness-" "Connie! You ain't dead..." he chuckled "You're always jumpin' ahead of yourself. I'm here to help you, sweet heart. You'll be okay." TO BE CONTINUED
Day Five Continued
I looked at his wrinkled smiling face, and I believed him. I will be okay, I'll still be old as hell, but okay. But how is he going to help if I can't see? I turned toward him "Honey, how-" before I could finish, I realized he was gone. I saw a far away light in his place. Oh thank heavens! I moved myself closer to the light, crawling in its direction. As I wormed myself through the darkness, a wave of nostalgia swept over me. A young woman sobbing over her lost baby, overcome with grief and helplessness. Her husband cradled her weeping shaking body day after day. The future she had imagined for herself, was now an unknown blackness. He showed her a new one. And Together, they became happy again; anticipating this bran new future they saw for themselves. And now, once again, Eugene showed me the light at the end of the tunnel.
Day Six
The light from the suns rays stunned my eyes as I stepped out of the cave. Before my eyes even had time to adjust, I was already in search of food. My vision became clear, and all that surrounded me was dirt and trees. Heavens to betsy! How am I gonna make a darn meal with dirt and trees? And then it hit me, Ill eat the leaves! It'll be just like a damn salad! Boy, oh boy, did I feel smart. "Ol' Connie's gettin' creative in her old age," I chuckled to myself. I picked some leaves off of a tree branch and stuffed them in my mouth. Oh gosh, look at me. I knew better then to stuff my mouth with leaves, especially when in the nude. I'd probably look like a damn monkey to passerby's. I then gently gathered the leaves and made a little pile on the ground. I crossed my legs in front of my makeshift meal, and leaned in for a bite. Right then and there I felt something drop on my head, I would see what it is, but I too damn hungry. I leaned in for a bite again and a beak seemed to come out of my forehead and stole my leaf! "What in gods name?" I felt around my head and a startled bird seemed to fly off and onto MY LEAVES. "oh no, no! no! no! no! That is MY salad young man!" I shouted at the bird. The bird looked at me and tilted his head. "Heavens to Betsy! Don't you understand? Mine! You are being very rude, sir." I shouted again. Oh goodness, what have I become? He's probably hungry too. "Sorry, fella," I said quietly. We ate the salad together and I decided my next mission was to look for Rose. "Come on, Mr. Bird. Lets find Rose." Somehow, I always find myself looking for my sister with a damn animal. I began to chuckle at myself.
Day seven
I was silly to think that the bird would come with me to find Rose. Why, the damn thing flew away a couple seconds into my search, but thats alright. I'm sure the bird has better things to do than search the jungle for an ol' hag. Ha, I have better things to do. I continued to walk through the forrest, keeping my eyes peeled for anything white and wrinkly among the trees. Ya know, I've been spendin' most of my existence lookin' for this woman. Even when we were kids, Rose was always getting' lost. And guess who was always searching' around for her? ME! And now, in our eighties, I'm looking' for the ol' hag on a damn island! It's about time I start enjoying myself. I stopped rummaging about and decided right then and there, I'd go to the beach. I began to strut in the opposite direction as Hotel California (by the Eagles) played in my head.
Day eight.
I slept the whole day.
Day Nine
So, a lion ate me. I never had much luck with animals. It was just a matter of time before one of them damn critters ate me. That's alright with me, I was already 75 percent dead already. Aging is a bitch, I'll tell ya. Between the hemorrhoids and cataracts... Hell I'm glad I'm dead.
Now I'm waiting in a long damn line right at heavens gate. You'd think Jesus would have his shit together, but no; I'm waiting in a god damn line. Ain't much different then the DMV.
Day Ten
There's just three people in front of me now. I've never been more ready in my life. Jesus is just four feet away, all of the good and bad deeds of the woman at the front of the line. The list of the woman's good deeds was longer then the list of bad, and after asking for forgiveness, the gates opened for her. I was able to see a brighter brightness then anything I've seen on earth, creep out as the giant doors opened. After the doors closed and the light went away, Jesus looked into the eyes of the man in front of me. I was now close enough to see just how jesus was looking at these people. The way he looked at them was not with judgement, but with love.
It was a universal love, not the kind you have for your partner or the kind you have for your parents. It was a warm glow feeling in your heart. The man Then walked away and disappeared into the gate's opening.
It was my turn. TO BE CONTINUED
Day Eleven
"Constance Steinberg..... I've never seen anyone be so sweet and frank in my life." Jesus smiled down at me and chuckled, "just kidding Connie, I've met plenty of black women. You'll find many of them up here..." he paused and looked down at me smugly "Unlike you Catholics, Baptists commit their entire Sunday singing songs in my name. You people go to church for an hour, miserably re-sight shit that ya don't know the meaning of, and scramble out of there like wild animals because you wanna take yo fat ass to breakfast.You proud of that? Let me just pat you on the back for that good job memorizing a prayer and putting a dollar in a basket. GOOD FUCKING JOB! and now I bet you expect to get in to heaven, don't ya? Well that is what you people look forward to all your miserable lives. Your only motivated to do good because your dumb asses are scared of god! God is the kindest soul in the universe and YOU were made to think that he should be feared..." Jesus shook his head and looked back at me as if he felt sorry, "hon, your religion was made by ass holes, for dumb ass holes to follow." I stood there as my mouth hung open. I was so damn confused.
TO BE CONTINUED
"will Connie get into heaven? find out what happens next!"- Maya Dzwil
Day Twelve
I looked up at the godly man, "Jesus? What Religion are you?" I asked. "My religion is called love. Be kind and genuine and you are welcome here. Fortunately for you, Connie, you're one of the few genuine Catholics there are. Your husband was one of them too." He opened the gate and there was a blinding light. Once my eyes adjusted I saw Eugene with his arms wide open. I leaped into his arms and cried. He kissed my head and I felt happiness radiate throughout my rejuvenated bones.
Day Thirteen:
In heaven you can eat all you want and you don't get fat or feel gross afterwords. There's a mix of angels and people up here, and the reason is because you've gotta earn your wings. I'm still a person, and I'm fine with that. I don't need no fancy dancy wings. Call me wings, cause I make ya look good. Wink* Wink* ha
Day Fourteen:
Unfortunately heaven doesn't change your looks. I thought once I got up here I'd become a naked baby, just like you see in paintings.
But no. I'm still a fat wrinkled mess, but at least I wont get any worse.
You know, when everything is good and perfect, like in heaven, you don't have much to talk about.... nothing interesting anyway. Folks say "hi" and "isn't it beautiful up here?" ...shit like that. I don't do small talk. First of all, I don't ask people how they are unless I actually care, I ain't about to pretend to give a shit about your well-being. Secondly, small talk is for ass holes, its that plain and simple. It is scripted and makes talking a bit easier, but it says to people that you don't care enough to say something genuine. It is nice to complain about something, because heaven makes it very difficult. I am a bored old woman, and complaining is what we do best.
EATEN BY A LION - DAY 8
Full Name: Constance (Connie) Steinberg
Maiden Name: O'Leary
From (Hometown): Manayonk, located in Philadelphia
Gender: Female
Religion: Roman Catholic
Age: 83 years young
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Traits (Appearance): Small beady, but smiling brown eyes encompassed by wrinkles. Her cheeks hung on either side of her tiny but memorable smile. Her wrinkles danced around her features, decorating her face in triumph rather than age. Her hair was void of color and seemed to spiral down the sides of her face until the ends brushed her shoulder.
Traits (Personality): Connie possesses all the traits that one would wish to have. Not only is she generous, understanding, kind and nurturing, but she also has a funny, happy-go-lucky personality. Her universal positive attitude draws people of all kinds to her, causing her to have a friend everywhere she goes.
Reason for coming on the plane: She is on her way to Brazil with her sister, Rose (86), so they can leave this world having seen all there is to see.
Brief History (Criminal record, past): Connie grew up in a twin house located in Manayunk, Philadelphia. She lived with her mother, father, and two older sisters. Connie had a very happy and carefree childhood, spending most of her time playing with her sisters and neighborhood friends. One summer afternoon, when Connie was seventeen, Connie's mother ran out of bread. This particular afternoon her sisters were not home. Connie's mother asked her to go to the corner store to buy a loaf of bread, and so she did. She couldn't remember what kind of bread her mother had asked her to get, so she stood staring at the shelf stocked with different kinds of bread trying to recover the memory. A young man who worked there saw that she looked lost, and asked her if she needed help. She turned tow
As a young couple, Connie and Eugene enjoyed even the small things, like cooking dinner together or going out dancing. Anyone in their presence, automatically had a smile upon their face. The love Constance and Eugene had for each other only grew. About four years after they were married, Connie and Eugene decided that they wanted to try to start a family together. Connie became pregnant with her first child after only a couple weeks of trying, but the pregnancy didn't last. The failed pregnancy was hard on both of them, but they wanted to keep trying, and so they did. Unfortunately Connie and Eugene had no luck getting pregnant the second time, or the third, or the fourth... The multiple failed pregnancies devastated the couple, and Connie fell into a deep depression. Eugene comforted her and helped her through it. He drowned out her dark thoughts with his constant positivity about the now, and their future together. Eventually Connie and Eugene were happy again and moved forward.
Instead of raising there own children, Connie and Eugene decided to spend their lives raising the spirits of less fortunate children. The couple volunteered at many orphanages and hospitals. At the orphanages they spent their time holding, feeding and playing with motherless infants and at hospitals they would take turns reading stories to sick children. To this day Connie looks back on these
memories as the best moments of her life.
Connie and Eugene became very involved in the church, and expanded their volunteer work into helping all less fortunate people. After Connie and Eugene turned 60, they did most of their volunteer work with a church group that they belonged to. In their church group they worked on raising money for missionary trips to help impoverished countries around the world. Meanwhile, Eugene began having frequent and intense headaches. Connie, worried about his health, told him to see a doctor, but he felt that they would eventually subside. The headaches only got worse, and Eugene started having strange changes in his vision. This alarmed both of them and they decided that Eugene should see a doctor.
Eugene was diagnosed with brain cancer shortly after, and unfortunately it went untreated for so long, there was nothing the doctors could do. Eugene was later put in hospice, and only six months later Eugene was died.
Connie felt lost, exhausted and guilty that Eugene didn't see a doctor sooner. There was nothing she could do, because either way he was dead and her life was over. Close friends and family were supportive of Connie, someone came to visit her and keep her company everyday for a month following Eugene's death. But Connie's sister, Rose, truly understood her feelings, her husband had died only five years before. Rose continued her daily visits to Connie. Rose was determined to lift her spirits, and together the two of them made each other feel whole again.
They were their blunt, but kind, happy-go-lucky selves again. The two quirky characters can be found anywhere there's lots of people that they can make laugh. Because the two truly realize how short life is, they decided they wanted to leave this world having seen all there is to see. They plan lots of trips together, the most recent trip the booked was one to Brazil.
DAY ONE
"Heavens to Betsy...where am I?" I murmured to myself. This ain't the first time I took a nap and woke up somewhere else, damn meds. I know i didnt come here myself, I'd never go to the beach in panty-hose. Where in the hell is Rose? The woman follows me into the bathroom, you would think she would come to the beach with me. Well, i guess Rose doesn't like the beach much...She always tells me 'I'll scare all the fellas away', but i always tell her 'I don' like none of the fellas that come to the beach.' Silly old hag, she is. I looked around. Who ever brought me here didn't bring no block! I've gotta get into some shade or I'll shrivel up like one of those prunes Rose eats all the time.Day One Wrap Up
I got up from the ground and spotted a tall leafy banana tree, I proceeded to walk toward it. Boy, oh boy, it is hot out here. I got under that tree before you could say Jack Robinson.... Well, I tried... These old rusty legs don't do much anymore, I'll tell ya. I walked under the shade of the tall handsome tree, and felt instant relief.I sat down next to the ol' tree, "Thank goodness you're here. If you weren't, I'd look like one of them prunes, right about now." I chuckled to myself. I heard something moving in the shrubbery behind the banana tree. The sound is getting closer... "Rose?" "baaahh" I heard her call back. "Oh Heavens to Betsy, Rose! Why do you always go tryin' to give me a damn heart attack?" I yelled at her.the sound of rustling leaves got closer, and out of the bushes appears the head of a goat. "Well, you're not Rose" I said with a smile. "baahhhh" the goat said back to me. The goat walked out of the shrubs and brought its face right on up to mine. The goat got nose to snout with me, It damn near made me go cross eyed. I pulled my head back "well, hello handsome young man," i said with a smile. I began to stroke its head, it looked at me blankly. "Well, little fella, you got a name?" "Baaaah" the goat now looked at me with only one eye, the other was pointed to the side. "Isn't that a shame, you're an ugly little fella... But thats alright, I don't mind ugly fellas. We all get ugly eventually, I'll tell ya." I looked down at him, hoping he didn't take offense to my calling him ugly...but he just stood blankly. He doesn't seem to mind. I leaned my hand on his back, helping myself off of the ground. I started to walk away, but noticed my new friend was not following. I looked back, "Come on, Mr. Goat. We're gonna try to find Rose." And so we did.
Mr. Goat and I wondered through the forest awhile, "Rose?" I called out. "Connie!" I heard her distant voice say in a welcoming tone.
"Connie!" she said again, sounding closer than before. "Connie!" I turned to my left and there she was.
After I turned to look, I wish I hadn't. Rose was almost completely naked except for a necklace and cloth-like bottoms. She looked like she'd come right out of the National Geographic Magazine, I'll tell ya. "Jesus Christmas, Rose! Have you no shame? Jumping' Jehosephat! Put on some damn clothes, you're gonna scare the damn goat away!"
"You're always tellin' me what I'm to do! I am trying to live life!" she responded
"Just put on some damn clothes, you indecent old hag! By golly, you're eighty-six, most people your age are dead already!"
"Pshhhhh. Well my clothes are gone" she crossed her arms.
"What do you mean, 'your clothes are gone'?"
They caught on fire when the plane crashed, and Chahata gave me some of his." I looked at her face, puzzled. The more I thought of what she said, the more sense it made. The last memory I have before I woke up on the beach, was sitting next to rose on a plane to brazil...
"Where are we?" I asked
"I'm not quite sure, I've been trying to ask Chahata, but I don't understand much of what he says." she replied
"Who, in gods name, is Chahata?" I asked feeling flustered
"Oh, he's just a native fella. He was kind enough to let me borrow his garb. He's also pretty easy on the eyes, if I may say so myself."
"Oh, Rosey, you're a riot!" I laughed "I am quite hungry though, did Bagdad make supper?" I asked
"His name is Chahata, Connie! Yes, he seemed to be making some kind a soup." She told me.
Thank the lord above! I'm hungrier than a Lion! I wonder if Mr. Goat is hungry too."Mr. Goat?" I looked down beside me, and he was gone. Oh well, he's probably got a goat family to get back to. Rose walked towards me and took my hand, "Come on, I'll show you where the native fellas live."
As she lead me through the forest, the sun began to go down. It seemed to change from sunset to dark with in minutes. I saw a orange blob of light ahead.
"Thats them!" Rose shouted. We got to a clearing near a small body of water, they seemed to have a fire going smack in the center. There were four men and two women surrounding the fire. One of the native men stood up, "Ea-tuh" he said, while pointing to a giant pot. Rose turned to me, "Oh Connie, He's invited us to supper! Ain't that exciting?" she smiled. I chuckled "We thought goin' to Brazil would be an adventure! Who would've ever thought we'd be eatin' supper with natives?" We sat down next to each other around the fire. A woman gave us pottery filled to the brim with soup. I put the pottery to my lips and poured the thick, meaty soup into my mouth. It was outstandingly delicious! "Goodness Gracious! What is in this soup?" I asked the man to my right. "Goat." he replied. All the color rushed out of my face. Heavens to Betsy! I've just swallowed Mr. Goat!
Day Two
(continued from wrap up)I stopped eating and fell asleep right there, on the dusty ground.
I woke up to the sound of birds a chirpin' and tropical wind a blowin' through the trees. I opened my eyes to a pure blue sky. My, oh my what a sight. "Conn-iee!" Rose's voice broke as her face popped up over mine. I jumped, knockin' my noggin into hers. "Heavens to Betsy, Rose! Why do ya' always go tryin' to give me a damn heart attack!" I yelled at her. "Oh, Connie. You're always gettin' startled, it ain't my fault. Blame that god of yours, he made you old and bitter old hag." She laughed. "You haven't aged too well yourself there, Yoda." I cackled back. I looked around, all that was left of the fire that was in front of me, was blackened wood. I looked around the rest of the clearing and realized we were alone.
"Where's Pinata?" I asked. "Connie! His name is Chahata!"
"Right, right. Well where is he?"
"Don't know. I woke up an' they were all gone. Them natives are somthin', Ill tell ya."
Boy, oh boy. Do I feel scummy. I looked at the running stream to my right. Mr. Stream, you lucky fella, I chuckled to myself. I took off my ol' dress and plopped my wrinkled ol' bum in the water.
Rose looked at me disgusted, "Connie, Jesus Christ! You say that I'm indecent!"
I laughed at her smugly, "Well, at least I'm not nasty, wrinkled ol' mess."
I let the current of the stream wash away all the dirt and grime. I laid down, face up, in the water, looking at the clear blue sky. I closed my eyes and hummed quietly to myself. A couple minutes later, I began to feel eyes staring through me. I opened my eyes and there, standing over me, was Chahata and the other natives. They all looked at me with a disapproving look on their faces. I looked passed them searching for rose, but she was nowhere to be found. I looked back up at the natives and smiled, hoping they would smile back. "You wash mortal filth in tears of god! You die!" One of them said. My heart sank as two native men grabbed my arms and began to drag me into the Forrest. Oh goodness, where is Rosey? A tear streamed down my face as the men carried me away to an unknown death.
Day Three
I would like to continue with my story, but I feel that it wouldn't make much sense because the class did not get to hear an important part of day two. If I continued on to the next day, I am afraid you would be confused. Please continue reading day Two. This is the part you missed:Boy, oh boy. Do I feel scummy. I looked at the running stream to my right. Mr. Stream, you lucky fella, I chuckled to myself. I took off my ol' dress and plopped my wrinkled ol' bum in the water.
Rose looked at me disgusted, "Connie, Jesus Christ! You say that I'm indecent!"
I laughed at her smugly, "Well, at least I'm not a nasty, wrinkled ol' mess."
I laid down, face up, in the water, looking at the clear blue sky. I let the current of the stream wash away all the dirt and grime. I closed my eyes and hummed quietly to myself. A couple minutes later, I began to feel eyes staring through me. I opened my eyes and there, standing over me, was Chahata and the other natives. They all looked at me with a disapproving look on their faces. I looked passed them searching for rose, but she was nowhere to be found. I looked back up at the natives and smiled, hoping they would smile back. "You wash mortal filth in tears of god! You die!" One of them said. My heart sank as two native men grabbed my arms and began to drag me into the Forrest. Oh goodness, where is Rosey? A tear streamed down my face as the men carried me away to an unknown death.
Day Four
Shortly after being carried away into the forest, I was knocked out by the fists of a native man.My eyes opened to darkness. I tried closing them, thinking that maybe when they opened again there would be light. I opened my eyes once more, but all I could see a single shade of the blackest black. "Rose?" I softly called her name. "Rose?" I heard my own voice call back, it seemed like it came from a mile away. There was no response. I felt around the cold ground, searching for something to help myself up. I felt what seemed to be a large rock and leaned on it as I struggled to stand. My arm gave out, forcing my back on to the ground. "Connie" I heard a close voice whisper in my ear. I reached toward the voice but felt nothing. "Connie," I heard the voice call from a short distance away. I crawled toward the voice while a felt around for a body. "Connie!" I turned toward the voice and saw the most handsome and kind face she had ever seen, lit up in the darkness. It was Eugene. I started to cry, "Eugene! You're dead! How are you here? Oh heavens, I'm dead! Am I dead? Oh goodness-" "Connie! You ain't dead..." he chuckled "You're always jumpin' ahead of yourself. I'm here to help you, sweet heart. You'll be okay."
TO BE CONTINUED
Day Five
Continued
I looked at his wrinkled smiling face, and I believed him. I will be okay, I'll still be old as hell, but okay. But how is he going to help if I can't see? I turned toward him "Honey, how-" before I could finish, I realized he was gone. I saw a far away light in his place. Oh thank heavens! I moved myself closer to the light, crawling in its direction. As I wormed myself through the darkness, a wave of nostalgia swept over me. A young woman sobbing over her lost baby, overcome with grief and helplessness. Her husband cradled her weeping shaking body day after day. The future she had imagined for herself, was now an unknown blackness. He showed her a new one. And Together, they became happy again; anticipating this bran new future they saw for themselves. And now, once again, Eugene showed me the light at the end of the tunnel.
Day Six
The light from the suns rays stunned my eyes as I stepped out of the cave. Before my eyes even had time to adjust, I was already in search of food. My vision became clear, and all that surrounded me was dirt and trees. Heavens to betsy! How am I gonna make a darn meal with dirt and trees? And then it hit me, Ill eat the leaves! It'll be just like a damn salad! Boy, oh boy, did I feel smart. "Ol' Connie's gettin' creative in her old age," I chuckled to myself. I picked some leaves off of a tree branch and stuffed them in my mouth. Oh gosh, look at me. I knew better then to stuff my mouth with leaves, especially when in the nude. I'd probably look like a damn monkey to passerby's. I then gently gathered the leaves and made a little pile on the ground. I crossed my legs in front of my makeshift meal, and leaned in for a bite. Right then and there I felt something drop on my head, I would see what it is, but I too damn hungry. I leaned in for a bite again and a beak seemed to come out of my forehead and stole my leaf! "What in gods name?" I felt around my head and a startled bird seemed to fly off and onto MY LEAVES. "oh no, no! no! no! no! That is MY salad young man!" I shouted at the bird. The bird looked at me and tilted his head. "Heavens to Betsy! Don't you understand? Mine! You are being very rude, sir." I shouted again. Oh goodness, what have I become? He's probably hungry too. "Sorry, fella," I said quietly. We ate the salad together and I decided my next mission was to look for Rose. "Come on, Mr. Bird. Lets find Rose." Somehow, I always find myself looking for my sister with a damn animal. I began to chuckle at myself.
Day seven
I was silly to think that the bird would come with me to find Rose. Why, the damn thing flew away a couple seconds into my search, but thats alright. I'm sure the bird has better things to do than search the jungle for an ol' hag. Ha, I have better things to do. I continued to walk through the forrest, keeping my eyes peeled for anything white and wrinkly among the trees. Ya know, I've been spendin' most of my existence lookin' for this woman. Even when we were kids, Rose was always getting' lost. And guess who was always searching' around for her? ME! And now, in our eighties, I'm looking' for the ol' hag on a damn island! It's about time I start enjoying myself. I stopped rummaging about and decided right then and there, I'd go to the beach. I began to strut in the opposite direction as Hotel California (by the Eagles) played in my head.
Day eight.
I slept the whole day.
Day Nine
So, a lion ate me. I never had much luck with animals. It was just a matter of time before one of them damn critters ate me. That's alright with me, I was already 75 percent dead already. Aging is a bitch, I'll tell ya. Between the hemorrhoids and cataracts... Hell I'm glad I'm dead.
Now I'm waiting in a long damn line right at heavens gate. You'd think Jesus would have his shit together, but no; I'm waiting in a god damn line. Ain't much different then the DMV.
Day Ten
There's just three people in front of me now. I've never been more ready in my life. Jesus is just four feet away, all of the good and bad deeds of the woman at the front of the line. The list of the woman's good deeds was longer then the list of bad, and after asking for forgiveness, the gates opened for her. I was able to see a brighter brightness then anything I've seen on earth, creep out as the giant doors opened. After the doors closed and the light went away, Jesus looked into the eyes of the man in front of me. I was now close enough to see just how jesus was looking at these people. The way he looked at them was not with judgement, but with love.
It was a universal love, not the kind you have for your partner or the kind you have for your parents. It was a warm glow feeling in your heart. The man Then walked away and disappeared into the gate's opening.
It was my turn.
TO BE CONTINUED
Day Eleven
"Constance Steinberg..... I've never seen anyone be so sweet and frank in my life." Jesus smiled down at me and chuckled, "just kidding Connie, I've met plenty of black women. You'll find many of them up here..." he paused and looked down at me smugly "Unlike you Catholics, Baptists commit their entire Sunday singing songs in my name. You people go to church for an hour, miserably re-sight shit that ya don't know the meaning of, and scramble out of there like wild animals because you wanna take yo fat ass to breakfast.You proud of that? Let me just pat you on the back for that good job memorizing a prayer and putting a dollar in a basket. GOOD FUCKING JOB! and now I bet you expect to get in to heaven, don't ya? Well that is what you people look forward to all your miserable lives. Your only motivated to do good because your dumb asses are scared of god! God is the kindest soul in the universe and YOU were made to think that he should be feared..." Jesus shook his head and looked back at me as if he felt sorry, "hon, your religion was made by ass holes, for dumb ass holes to follow." I stood there as my mouth hung open. I was so damn confused.
TO BE CONTINUED
"will Connie get into heaven? find out what happens next!"- Maya Dzwil
Day Twelve
I looked up at the godly man, "Jesus? What Religion are you?" I asked. "My religion is called love. Be kind and genuine and you are welcome here. Fortunately for you, Connie, you're one of the few genuine Catholics there are. Your husband was one of them too." He opened the gate and there was a blinding light. Once my eyes adjusted I saw Eugene with his arms wide open. I leaped into his arms and cried. He kissed my head and I felt happiness radiate throughout my rejuvenated bones.
Day Thirteen:
In heaven you can eat all you want and you don't get fat or feel gross afterwords. There's a mix of angels and people up here, and the reason is because you've gotta earn your wings. I'm still a person, and I'm fine with that. I don't need no fancy dancy wings. Call me wings, cause I make ya look good. Wink* Wink* ha
Day Fourteen:
Unfortunately heaven doesn't change your looks. I thought once I got up here I'd become a naked baby, just like you see in paintings.
But no. I'm still a fat wrinkled mess, but at least I wont get any worse.
You know, when everything is good and perfect, like in heaven, you don't have much to talk about.... nothing interesting anyway. Folks say "hi" and "isn't it beautiful up here?" ...shit like that. I don't do small talk. First of all, I don't ask people how they are unless I actually care, I ain't about to pretend to give a shit about your well-being. Secondly, small talk is for ass holes, its that plain and simple. It is scripted and makes talking a bit easier, but it says to people that you don't care enough to say something genuine. It is nice to complain about something, because heaven makes it very difficult. I am a bored old woman, and complaining is what we do best.
Day Fifteen:
Complete Rose's profile, please. -- Queen of Survive